Bernie Sanders Hospitalized After Nonviolently Fighting Oligarchy at Renaissance Fair Joust
Bernie Sanders was rushed to the hospital Saturday evening after being thrown from a horse during another joust at his Fighting Oligarchy Tour. He released gruesome medical imaging along with a statement on Monday saying, "I will still be standing up to special interests and oligarchs despite my massively shattered pelvis."
Bernie Sanders has expanded his popular political tour to include appearances at renaissance fairs this season. Unlike other events, he's stepping beyond simple impassioned speeches. Bernie is now showing people first-hand the power of non-violent peaceful protest… through jousting, a once famous past-time of kings. At each fair, he claims to don the "simple armor of the humble working-class peasant.” Keeping his lance vertical, he raises it as high as he can in the air, never once lowering it to his opponent, and charges while yelling Michelle Obama's catchphrase, "when they go low, we go high!" The crowd roars, then collectively groans as the opposing blow inevitably strikes him.
Bernie has been unhorsed and flung like a revolutionary rag doll at every single event, and he says that's the point. Before the joust he told the crowd, "Let me be clear, nothing makes you more powerful than sitting there and taking it. It’s beautiful, it’s disciplined, and it’s what makes you a truly good American. My fellow citizens, this is what power looks like. This is exactly what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was talking about, if you leave out all the parts that got him killed.”
When asked what he’s accomplishing he said, “Well, obviously I’m teaching the people how to fight. But, I’m also accruing huge medical bills to complain about, and that makes me very relatable.”
His team shared, "Bernie knows he's doing something right, because the crowds are going wild like never before. The peasants actually look like peasants… the optics are absolutely fantastic. Really plays to the whole oligarchy thing we’re totally fighting." And the crowds are larger than ever before too, much to the delight of the Democratic Party and their mega-donors. Footage from the jousts has prompted MTV to approach both the Democratic and Republican Parties to revive a new version their hit show Jackass.
This was written in response to Bernie Sanders’ controversial tweet:
“Dr. King defeated racist government officials & ended segregation through disciplined non-violent resistance.
Defeating Trumpism, oligarchy & authoritarianism requires that same level of discipline.
Violent protests are counterproductive and play right into Trump’s playbook.”