Vet Shocked Depressed Dog Hasn't Already Killed Himself- Offers MAID
Sprinkles, a three-year-old golden retriever was taken to the vet for what was supposed to be a routine check-up, only to be offered the rainbow bridge for his emotional pain. Through routine intake questions his owner, Beatrice Woods, revealed that Sprinkles still howls after she leaves for work, and that he doesn't even bark when her neighbor stops by “looking to take things that don’t belong to her.” Woods discovered Sprinkles’ behavior recently after installing a nanny-cam in her home for "personal reasons." She and her husband can only afford to take him to Bark Park doggy daycare a couple days a week, the other three days he has to stay home alone. “I was considering hiring a dog walker,” Woods said.
Veterinarian Dr. Peter Hoffstead, steady and calm, scratched Sprinkles behind the ear and said gently, "I'm not a mental health professional, but I'm pretty sure you want to die, right boy?” He handed the dog a pamphlet about MAID (Medical Assistance in Dying). Sprinkles lunged and scratched at the door, then looked to Beatrice for help. "I am shocked that Sprinkles hasn't already found a way to end his torment. The only possible explanation is that he doesn't understand his options, or because he doesn't have hands. I'm not the president, I can't fix inflation, I can't make doggy daycare more affordable, but I sure as hell can offer pets the proverbial gun and proverbial trigger finger when their guardians can't find two extra pennies to rub together. These pets deserve so much better. Thankfully, I’m here to help," Hoffstead said.
Woods was shaken. "I didn't realize Sprinkles could be suffering so deeply, but maybe this psychopath is right. Surely Sprinkles doesn't want to be a financial burden. I’m happy to help him cross the rainbow bridge if that’s what he wants. He's always been a good boy." Sprinkles was unable to comment, but he was visibly exhausted from trying to escape the examination room. “You know, looking at him now, maybe the light has drained from his eyes,” Woods said.
When asked how he sleeps at night, Dr. Hoffstead said, “You know, people don’t understand what I do. I make the world a better place. Sure, it involves taking life, but if I happen to enjoy the power and high I feel while taking the life of your best friend, what’s wrong with that? At the end of the day, I can say I ended an animal’s suffering, and that means I’m compassionate. It’s not easy being an unsung hero.”
This piece is in response to the New York Times Magazine Article “Do Patients Without a Terminal Illness Have the Right to Die?”